Mommy brain

So.

Clementine used the potty. I guess that information is kinda late here since it happened on the 13th of February, but she did - in fact, it's been about 6 times already. Sure, it's poop only  -  but wow. This is a big deal. When she does it we all pretend it's the greatest show on earth and applaud her for about 5 minutes straight. Okay - I really do think it's the greatest show on earth because she's my Darling Clementine, but my boys probably don't and you'd never know the difference. 

So, next week is the real deal. I'm buying her big girl underpants and we're going for it. Hardcore. I am fully prepared to clean up lots of accidents and rush the Girl over to the potty when I see "the face." This would be the one she makes as she stands very still and looks like she's thinking really hard. Most kids do this in the corner, but not my Clemmie. She stands right where she is and says, "Mama, pee-pee." Of course, it's right AFTER she just did it, and she really means "poop," but she's so ready....and so am I. 

Freedom from carrying a diaper bag! 

(Sounds wonderful.)

Clemmie on a new adventure! 

(What a big girl!)

But leave it to me to find some bittersweetness in this milestone. 

The Girl is growing up. And that one sentence pretty much sums up my feelings. 

She's growing up. 

I remember so clearly when I stopped nursing her and how sad I was when the experience was finally over. I can see myself that day in the rocking chair as I held her and asked Bobby to take a picture because it was probably one of the last times I would nourish her body from mine. It was the second to the last, actually. The last wasn't documented by pictures or words, and I guess that's ok. Because pictures and words - as descriptive and revealing as they are, can never really do life justice. Never. Not in a million years. Not even a *gillion. 

Yet, knowing this, I try everyday to document something about our days.

Anything - even a small anecdote about one of the kids in a post where it doesn't belong.

For example -

Ethan snuck downstairs tonight and came into the office where Bobby and I were talking. He laid down on the floor and goes......

Isn't it weird how the past and the future - you can't touch them, but they're there? Like - that's so weird! Where do they go?"

I was tempted to mention the Langoliers again, but I hesitated. Maybe when he's 10. Maybe never. We just talked for a minute about the concept of time and I felt he was too tired for any "real" type of explanation. I told him, "let's talk about this when we have more time, because this stuff is reeeeally interesting, isn't it?"

See - I just throw randomness anywhere even if it doesn't make sense because I feel a need to document - on this blog, in my journal, in my camera.

Running club is over! The boys accepting their medals. Ethan's in the green jammies and Seb's, well, THERE'S SEB!

Life cannot be experienced on high gloss photo paper or a paperback book. 

I know this.

But I still try.  I am futilely, endlessly trying.

*gillion is Ethan's newest number he mentions when he tell me just how much he loves me. Seb and I get a big kick out of it and if you're like, what's so funny about that? Then I guess you just had to be there.