A rant.

I am really bad at assuming. It's a fault. With Bobby - it's something I have to manage daily. Like when he looks at me in this certain way with a smirk it's because I KNOW he means something totally different than what he's saying. Each and every time - even though he will always deny it. I know.

Because I assume.

That's how bad I am. I believe my assumptions are totally right because I think I am the ultimate judge of facial expressions and body language that accompany people's words. To me, those furrowed brows or crossed arms mean more to me than what is being said.

And it gets me into trouble.

But I'm aware of this little quirk of mine - and I am trying to fix it. So that's a start.

Which brings me to my point - being aware is so fricken important.

I've always been an introspective person, though. Maybe it's because I was a shy child, passive beyond comprehension....soaking in my surroundings and trying to make sense of what I saw all around me. Whatever the reason, I've always wondered WHY I am the way I am and I've always tried to be better. Just because - and why not? I knew it was necessary to grow and change what needed to be changed and understand and empathize with the parts of myself that aren't so pretty. I know there is always room for improvement - and believe me I have ballrooms available. By no means am I trying to say I have life all figured out. I just really want to try.

I realize that there are many people out there that are not like me and go through life happy and content - never needing to get down to the nitty gritty of their core to understand their inner clockwork. Sometimes I wish I were one of those people. Because it can be draining.....the pondering, the work, the work, the WORK it takes to understand what it means to be human.

But after my encounters these past few weeks with caterpillars who are content hiding inside their cocoons, living their life fighting against the potential beauty outside of their dark world, I'm happy. I'm happy to break my back from the endless labor it takes to spread my wings.

It's the only way I'll ever learn to fly. And isn't that the point?

*So to those people I am referring to - who most likely will never read this blog but have the smallest possibility of doing so:

I still love you.

And wish for you the best.