I don't want perfect kids, just happy ones.

I sat down a few times this past week wanting to write about Sebastian but always hit delete before a story even began. I didn't know how to put into words how I was feeling. Even typing out his full name above seems a little "off."

I know it's because he's getting older. He's more aware of the idea of a "presence" on the internet. He's watched me type into Blogger countless times, knowing full well that I'm sharing not only a part of my life, but a part of his. We've chatted as I uploaded photos of him and his siblings, and he's always been curious but never bothered by it. And up 'til a few months ago, that was great - an almost "silent approval," if you will. I didn't feel what I'm feeling now.

And what is this feeling, anyway? Guilt?

But I've been thinking. He's 11 now. Maybe I'd like to write about him but maybe it's too personal. The truth is, kids his age are on the internet more than ever. I would feel terrible if this hobby of mine unintentionally embarrassed him. And where is that fine line between cute motherly musings and intrusiveness? In a lot of ways it's sad because I stop myself from clicking "publish" when I'm not so sure.

So yes, there is less of Sebbie on this blog. Less of Ethan, too. Perhaps that will change as I discover new ways of keeping their presence alive without blabbing too much. Of course, nothing is set in stone, so we will see.

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The reality is - the whole intent for this particular post - is that I'm massively proud of him.

He's come such a long way in so many areas of his life.

-GF diet (to help focus and stay on task)

-homework

-attitude

-It's been a struggle adjusting to a completely new way of eating, but he's done it. And the other night when he said that he likes "his" spaghetti better than the old one...well, as you can imagine, it made my day.

-He's bringing home 90's and 100's now. He even got an award at school the other day. I swear, my eyes filled with tears when he walked up and received it.

-He's getting a grip on his emotions. This one is huge.

I am so, so proud of him.

So proud.

I have a feeling he won't mind reading that.