This post makes me happy.

Earlier this week I was running behind in getting Sebbie to school. This isn't exactly unheard of in our household, and it's usually because I have overslept and get awakened by IH asking me to "Please get Ethan ready for me, I'm late, he's whining, he won't put his clothes on again, and he'll listen to you." This is then followed by me rolling my eyes pleading with him to please do it himself and instead he runs, literally, to the bathroom and starts the shower.

Well, lovely. 

So I find myself in the same situation I find myself in every other weekday--rolling out of bed ever-so-carefully as to not wake Miss C, putting on my eyes, and throwing some t-shirt on from the day before over my nightshirt. Why do I put a shirt over a shirt? Well, it's because I usually wear a tank to sleep that is super low cut so it's easy to pull down to nurse Miss C at her convenience, and is tight enough to keep my nursing pads in place as I shift in bed. But wearing it to drop off my child at school doesn't exactly scream "Mother of the Year," especially when there are 5th grade student "helpers" that open the car door for Sebbie and say hello to me every single morning. 

Anyway, during this rushed morning, I manage to change Ethan's grumpy mood by reminding him that he has cooking class after school. This always works on Wednesdays, and I am thankful that this class of his often has plenty of chocolate on hand to "cook" with. As a mother, I shouldn't be, but as I rushed mother, I am. I also pack his lunch, sign last minute papers, and kiss my IH and Ethan goodbye. 

After the morning madness has finally ended, and Sebbie, Miss C and I are in the car, the conversation goes something like this:

"Am I gonna be late again?"

"What do you mean, late? You're not late."

"Yeah, but sometimes I get there, like, just in time."

" That's ok--that's not late. We'll just leave a little earlier tomorrow."

This conversation is not a rare one, and I am not proud of the modeling I'm doing for my children in terms of punctuality, but he really is never late. Just in time is not late.

So this particular morning I thought I'd save him a little time by driving to the back parking lot instead of the front one that I typically go through. The back one is much closer to the building his classroom is in, so being the sweet and thoughtful mommy that I am, I drive around back, make the ridiculous forbidden illegal left turn, (whole other story) drop him off, and tell him he'd better be the best in his class, or else. 

So because it's literally like, one minute until his class walks in, I get the pleasure of watching him walk in line with his fellow classmates talking and laughing on their way to class. It was really cute, which wasn't surprising. But what made it even more cuter than expected was that he didn't know that I stayed behind, observing him in my car, watching his every gesture, his every expression. I slowly drove at the same pace as his walk, but thanks to two rows of cars between us, he didn't notice. Then suddenly, he did.

I stopped my car at the exit of the parking lot where the cars ended. I rolled down my window, told him I loved him, and blew him a kiss. He said "bye" and quickly looked away. No return kiss, no smile. 

I admit, I was a little crushed, but I completely understood. I mean, this boy loves me--no doubt about that. I get it--9 years old and Mom (which he never calls me, but surely would in front of those kids) is blowing kisses out the window for all to see--the horror! 

So after I pick him up from school that day, I ask him the usual, "How was your day? Did anything exciting happen? Did you take your AR test? " Small talk ensued, and shortly thereafter his disposition changed entirely. 

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sad.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't blow you a kiss in the morning."

"Awww, Sebbie. That's ok."

"Yeah, but I really wanted to. I felt bad all m

orning in class."

"It's ok. I'm serious. I'm glad that you wanted to."

"I felt really bad! I was just embarrassed to 'cause everyone was looking at me" 

(He always thinks everyone is looking at him. He is such my kid.)

"Awww...poor baby. I have an idea."

"What?"

"Next time I blow you a kiss, you can blow me one in disguise. Like this." 

I barely touch my mouth and slide it across my lips and into the air. VERY nonchalant. 

He was impressed.

"That's cool." He smiles then copies my "disguised" kiss. 

"Now you can blow me a kiss and nobody will ever know!"

"Awww....that's sad. Does that make you a little sad?"

"Well, no--because I know someday you won't care what anyone thinks about you and you'll blow me a kiss in front of anyone!"

"Yeah...that's true."

Damn right, boy! Damn right.