Or randomly crying.
Or taking a trip to New York all by myself giving notice to no one.
There's just so much going on. To the outsider, it's just life. I mean, of course it is. Life is difficult sometimes, deal with it, it'll get better....yada yada yada.
Right?
Well, right now is especially hard. Aside from Sebastian's Famous Arizonan report due tomorrow that he's been working on for the past two months, and that requires him to dress up as said Famous Arizonan courtesy of Mommy's trips to Goodwill and Sally's Beauty Supply, Clemmie turns 2 tomorrow, I haven't done squat for her birthday party yet, the house is a disaster because I've had millions of errands to run this week, and Clemmie has never been whinier.
On top of it all - the worst of all - my stepfather is entering Hospice on Friday. Once admitted, they give him 3 days to a week. I've been trying not to think about it too much, but it's been especially difficult today - thinking of the finality of his life.
HIS LIFE
The one he's lived with fervor for so many years, the one that has impacted so many people's lives for the better, the one that almost ended when his first wife Violet died and began anew when he fell in love with my mother. A life so important. A life of an artist. It's hard to see him so frail, on the verge of going back to where he came from.
So, I cried on the phone today. I didn't mean to, it just came out. I guess that's how it usually happens, though.....most people don't intend to cry. But I wasn't prepared for it, or how it came out. When someone asks how I'm doing, "good" usually suffices.
Not today. For some reason, perhaps due to a build up of everything going on, I was just honest. "No - not okay. I'm sad." I wasn't worried about uncomfortableness, I didn't care. It just felt good to say it.
'Cause sometimes life is especially hard. It can be crazy challenging. It can hurt and burn and tear a hole right through you. But what can you do but keep on going? Hoping that it gets better and that somehow, everything will be alright.
9 comments:
Krista I am so sorry to hear about your stepfather. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Oh, honey, you have every single right to cry right now. I am so, so sorry about your stepfather.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers right now...and please email me if you need to talk or just to cry, okay hun?
{{hugs}}, Love & Prayers
I cried on the phone with Mom yesterday morning also. It was hard to hold back because I was telling her about a dream Mirella told me about the previous morning.
It was sad and I sometimes feel Mirella can predict the future in some of the premonitions she has!
Richard did impact {ALL} of our lives for the better, there isn't one bad thing about that Man, he will deeply be missed.
Love you and hope you feel better soon.
{BTW} Happy Birthday Miss Clemetine!
Oh sweetie I am so sorry. But what a beautiful thing to be moving to the next phase having lived this one "with fervor" to have given and received so much love and to have impacted the lives of many in a positive way. Not everyone can leave with that as their legacy.
I am so sorry for your suffering. Take it one moment at a time, and I do promise that the storm will pass and the rainbow will be spectacular. Just hunker down and ride it out.
((((())))) Saying a prayer for you and yours.
Thank you, Everyone - your thoughts and words made my day...:)
Krista-I had no idea about your stepfather...I am so sorry. Sometimes crying is the pure release you need when words just don't cut it.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do. And that is NOT just a "nicety". I MEAN IT!
Love you!
HUGS! Prayers and thoughts are with you.
Happy birthday to your sweetie!
Just checking in with you. :)
I am always in tears...it literally is my way to cleanse the soul.
Dee
http://free2bmommy.blogspot.com/
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