Apparently I was super-psyched to limit my daily intake of sugar yesterday that I went here and posted a highly-motivated comment to Kirsty of Momedy. I boasted about how I would join with her and stop the sugar madness that consumes me. But--in that same comment I also mentioned having cookie dough in the freezer, and well, how having cookie dough in the freezer is a slightly delicate matter to me. (If it's there, I will eat it)
So...
Surprise, surprise...I made another batch of cookies. Then I swallowed 5 of them. I think during the process of picking up the cookies, contemplating whether I should put the devils down or in my mouth, deciding on the latter and then ramming them in, (with a cold glass of milk, of course) my willpower decided the hell with it and abandoned me. Literally. And this process happened 5 times, so you'd think he'd come back and help me. Yunno, out of guilt, or something.
No. He did not. I was on my own.
And that's when I knew I had a problem.
Chocolate and I can't be hanging out anymore. This relationship is dysfunctional, and I have to make it healthy again (was it ever? Probably not) or end it. I don't know exactly how I'm gonna do this, but something tells me if I put my picture on here, accountability will prove stronger than these ridiculous cravings. Maybe.
2 comments:
Leave it behind, don't look back, you two were never meant for each other, chocolate looks good on paper (and tastes good in the mouth) but once it comes to your thighs and your energy level and your emotional well-being and your skin and your health...you start to see its abusive side. Sure, it'll apologize and be all smooth and tempting but it always goes back to the abuse.
I got through a WHOLE DAY without a candy or a chocolate or a CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH girl scout cookie (which was the ultimate act of self control as I was talking to a friend on the phone at the time-about something stressful, and when I'm on the phone I have a pavlovian response to stuff my mouth. It's uncanny. AND it was 7pm AND I had not eaten yet so I was hungry. Wow. I'm awesome.
I have to admit that it was not an entirely sugar free day. I had fruit, I also know there was sugar in the sauce of the WW microwave meal I had for lunch, AND lest you think I am virtuous for real, I had some BBQ flavoured chips which are loaded with sugar. However! I refrained from chocolate and candy and felt horribly aware and guilty about the chips and even the so called healthy WW meal.
And do you know WHAT?? I did not feel tired last night!!! AT ALL. And I did not feel irritable and depressed like I had been, and my stomach which gives me increasingly horrible lately got MUCH better. And my workout today was not as hard as usual. AFTER ONE DAY. Placebo effect? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I was much more focused and productive and energetic.
Can I tell you my dirty secret? I think you have to really pig out before you do this and eat til the chocolate/cookies no longer taste good to you. THEN you are ready. (This is how I deal with cold turkey, I binge first...niiiiiiiiice). It does not work for everyone that way but it works for me. I had a slight pang when I saw all the Ghiradelli for 50% off today but it wasn't as painful as one might think.
So my advice: you must consume the rest of the cookie dough (til you hate it) or give it away before the end of the day. You two can't go on in this way.
GO! GO! GO! (I have friends who claim I remind them of scary Gillian from the Biggest Loser (nice) so picture her in your mind as you read that). GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Call me crazy, but may I suggest chocolate as a meal replacement. How much guilt could be in that. I am thinking - one pack of M&M's - what? 200 calories. Call it breakfast...and then move on.
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